Never Eat Alone Cover

This post is mostly a mix of chapter summaries and excerpts of the book Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi.

Section I: The Mindset

  1. Become a Member of the Club Self-help is a misnomer. Everyone has the capacity to become a connector.

  2. Don’t Keep Score Be open to given, then you can receive. That’s the key to be a good connector.

  3. What’s Your Mission?
    • Find your passion, look inside and outside
    • Put goals on paper
    • Find your personal board of advisors
  4. Build It Before You Need It Have a mindset of building your network continuously, instead of when you need it.

  5. The Genius of Audacity
    • Find a role model
    • Learn to speak
    • Get involved
    • Get therapy
    • Just do it
  6. The Networking Jerk Don’t be one.
    • Don’t schmooze
    • Don’t rely on the currency of gossip
    • Don’t come to the party empty-handed
    • Don’t treat those under you poorly
    • Be transparent
    • Don’t be too efficient

Section II: The Skill Set

  1. Do Your Homework Know the person your are going to meet. Use Google, LinkedIn, Twitter, annual reports.

  2. Take Names The problem is not information overload, it’s filtering. Organize people by groups, using LinkedIn, or database, take the lists with you
    • Relatives
    • Friends of relatives
    • All your spouse’s relatives and contacts
    • Current colleagues
    • Members of professional and social organizations
    • Current and former customers and clients
    • Parents of your children’s friends
    • Neighbors, past and present
    • People you went to school with
    • People you have worked in the past
    • People in your religious congregation
    • Former teachers and employers
    • People you socialize with
    • People who provide services to you
    • People with whom you interact on Facebook
    • Other online connections is social media or community groups
    • Aspirational contacts - people who you don’t know but desire to meet
  3. Warming the Cold Call How to prepare a cold call?
    • Draft off a reference: how you are connected with the person
    • State your value
    • Talk a little, say a lot. Make it quick, convenient and definitive
    • Offer a compromise

    How to prepare a cold email? Everything above for a cold-call, plus

    • Live and die by your subject line
    • Game the timing
    • Be brief
    • Have a clear call to action
    • Read it out loud
    • Spell-check
  4. Managing the Gatekeeper – Artfully Make good with secretaries who can schedule meetings with people you want to meet.

  5. Never Eat Alone Always be ready to meet new people, squeeze time out of your schedule. “Clone” the meeting, so more people are introduced together by you.

  6. Share Your Passions Mix life and networking events; there is not a rigid distinction between the two. Many events are like so, such as quick coffee with others, attending conferences, inviting others to share a workout or a hobby, a quick early breakfast, inviting someone to a special event, entertaining at home, volunteering.

  7. Follow Up or Fail Follow-up is the key to success in any field! How to?
    • Always express your gratitude
    • Include an item of interest from your meeting
    • Reaffirm whatever commitments you both made
    • Be brief and to the point
    • Always address the thank-you note to the person by name
    • Use email and snail mail
    • After email, send requests to connect through social media
    • Timeliness is key
    • Don’t wait till holidays
    • Don’t forget to follow up with those who have acted as teh go-between
    • Make follow-up a habit
  8. Be a Conference Commando
    • Start from volunteering
    • Help the organizer
    • Listen, and find opportunities to speak
    • Organize a mini conference inside a conference
    • Draft off a big kahuna
    • Become an information hub
    • Become a reporter
    • Master the deep bump
    • Know your targets
    • Breaks are no time to take a break
    • Follow up
    • It’s the people, not the speakers
  9. Connecting with Connectors
    • Restaurateurs
    • Headhunters
    • Lobbyists
    • Fund-raisers
    • Public relations people
    • Politicians
    • Journalists
    • Authors, bloggers, and gurus
  10. Expanding Your Circle Organize events where you and other connectors share contacts.

  11. The Art of Small Talk
    • Learn the power of nonverbal cues: smile, eye contact, unfold your arms and relax, nod and lean in, learn to touch people.
    • Be sincere
    • Develop conversational currency
    • Adjust your Johari Window (how much you reveal yourself in a conversation)
    • Make a graceful exit
    • End small talk on an invitation to continue the relationship
    • Learn to listen
    • Give good chat
    • If all else fails, say: “You’re wonderful. Tell me more.”

Section III: Turning Connections into Compatriots

  1. Health, Wealth, and Children What matters in life?

  2. Social Arbitrage “You can be more successful in two months by becoming really interested in other people’s success than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in your own success.”

  3. Pinging – All the Time Keep people reminded of you repetitively on a regular basis. Rely on social media pings are fine, but it doesn’t replace personal pings.

  4. Find Anchor Tenants and Feed Them Connection over a home party.

    • Create a theme
    • Use invitations
    • Don’t be a kitchen slave
    • Create atmosphere
    • Forget being formal
    • Don’t seat couples together
    • Relax
    • Host a virtual after-party

Section IV: Connection in the Digital Age

  1. Tap the Fringe Manage the outer reaches that you can access and manage through technology.
    • The power of fringe: knowing the right people, build and manage the broad frontier of your social graph, make you laugh, provide support, surprise and educate your, promote wellness, find jobs, …
    • A new breed of networker, you can be one too. Has growing superpower of week ties.
    • Turn the volume up, emphasize diversity, embrace micro-celebrity
    • Share great information, stand out
    • Taming the LinkedIn beast, don’t be addicted to quantity of connections, but quality
    • Don’t be addicted to likes
    • The best online filter is offline
  2. Become the King of Content
    • Trust = Generosity + Vulnerability + Accountability + Candor
    • Generosity
      • Join conversations before you start them
      • Speak in a language that matters
      • Every headline is a pitch
      • Give your tweets legs
      • Whenever possible, co-create
    • Vulnerability
      • Cross-dressing: don’t have to use Facebook for friends and LinkedIn for professional contacts, can mix
      • Blend anecdotes with utility
      • Go public with failure
      • Mug for the camera (create natural profile photos, not posed ones)
    • Accountability
      • Become your own editor-in-chief (maintaining online profile and content creation)
      • Keep your selves in sync
    • Candor
      • Say what no one else will
      • Create virtual immediacy
      • Grope, fail, adapt. Repeat.
  3. Engineering Serendipity
    • How to be lucky: you can and should hack serendipity
    • Our virtual lives aren’t the only story
    • Let diversity find you
    • Create a force field where you feel safe to play
    • Passion is a possibility engine
    • Operational mind-set: be optimistic
    • Make it matter by learning and doing: get busy

Section V: Trading Up and Giving Back

  1. Be Interesting
    • Be come an expert: have a unique point of view
    • They can’t outsource content creators
    • 10 tips on becoming an expert
      • Get out in front and analyze the trends and opportunities on teh cutting edge
      • Ask seemingly stupid questions
      • Know yourself and your talents
      • Always learn
      • Stay healthy
      • Expose yourself to unusual experiences
      • Don’t get discouraged
      • Know the new technology
      • Develop a niche
      • Follow the money (creativity is worthless if it can’t be applied)
  2. Build Your Brand Build, package, and broadcast your personal brand message (think of a blurb message for an author of a book).

  3. Broadcast Your Brand
    • Strategy One: Pop the Bubble
      • Go visual
      • Caring is sharing
      • Curation, not creation
    • Strategy Two: Manipulate the Media
      • You are your own best PR representatives
      • Know the media landscape
      • Work the angles
      • Think small
      • Make a reporter happy
      • Master the art of sound bite
      • Don’t be annoying
      • It’s all about the record
      • Trumpet the message, not the messenger
      • Treat journalists as you would any other member of your network or community of friends
      • Be a name-dropper
      • You’ve got to market the marketing
      • There is no limit to the ways you can go about enhancing your profile
  4. Getting Close to Power
    • Celebrities
    • Young Presidents’ Organization (YPO)
    • Political Fund-Raisers
    • Conferences
    • Nonprofit Boards
    • Sports (Especially Golf)
    • Online
  5. Build It and They Will Come Be an organizer of events to be the best connector.

  6. Never Give In to Hubris A story where things went wrong. The author pushed for a foundation to allow conservative alums to donate to undergrad organizations that represent traditional values, but misunderstood the views of a key figure.

  7. Find Mentors, Find Mentees. Repeat The author joined Deloitte instead of McKinsey on terms of being mentored quarterly by the CEO.

  8. Balance Is B.S. There is not a thing called balance. The more you try to control, the more it gets out of control. Just try to get more people you like to live/work with, and less you hate.

  9. Welcome to the Connected Age Revolution begins in unlikely places. Be connected.